connected parenting, trauma

find the meaning behind hard words

When we hear “you’re mean,” we might really be hearing…
I don’t like what you’re saying.
I want to hit you but I’m learning how to use my words instead.

When we hear “you’re not my mom,” we might really be hearing…
It’s scary to start to love you.
Please don’t go away like my first mom.
This doesn’t feel like I know it should.
This wasn’t the original plan.

When we hear “leave me alone,” we might really be hearing…
You’re overwhelming me.
I’m stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, and I don’t want you to see that.
I need some time to cool down.
I’m surprised you care enough to come close right now.

When we hear “I don’t like you,” we might really be hearing…
I don’t want to like you.

When we hear “I hate you,” we might really be hearing…
I’m so sad right now.
I’m so scared right now.

When we hear “I’m going to hit you,” we might really be hearing…
I’m afraid you’re going to hit me.
I want you to feel as bad as I feel right now.
I want you to feel as bad as people have made me feel in the past.

When we hear “I’m not going to do what you asked,” we might really be hearing…
You’re asking too much of me right now.
I’m anxious and afraid, and I need you to do it with me.
I don’t have the skills to do it right now.
I’m afraid I can’t do it as well as you expect.

When we hear “I didn’t do that,” and we know they did, we might really be hearing…
I’m terrified to tell you the truth.
I don’t think you can give me what I need, so I’m finding ways to get it on my own.

When we hear “you’re rude,” we might really be hearing…
I know I’m being really rude right now.
You told me it was rude, and it hurt my feelings, so I’ll use it to hurt yours.

When we hear “I’m going to kill you,” we might really be hearing…
I’m afraid I’m going to die.
I’m afraid you’re going to die.
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
find the meaning behind hard words we hear from our kids

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s