The first spring my husband and I were preparing for our adopted twin sons to join our family, a dove built a nest on our windowsill and laid two eggs. We moved to another home in another city that year, and another dove built another nest and laid another two eggs there, too. It happened again the third spring — our third year waiting for our sons.
After three years of waiting and educating ourselves, my husband and I welcomed our twin sons into our home via international adoption. They joined our other son who was placed in our family via open domestic adoption. We went from zero to three kids in 13 months.
I knew it would be hard. But as a social worker, I believed there was no one better equipped for connected parenting than I was. However, I quickly realized putting in the hard work to foster attachment while keeping my children safe — and our home standing — was much harder than I could have imagined. I wanted quick, convenient, personalized support from a person who had walked the road before me. I wanted answers to specific questions all the books we had read did not cover. I wanted someone I could bring a list of struggles to who would give me suggestions for each one.
The best resource we found was a therapist, but we didn’t feel comfortable leaving our newly-home children in the care of another person to attend sessions. We were still in the thick of “cocooning.” And that cocooning time was when we needed a lot of advice. We pulled together assistance from various sources as best we could, but I continued to wish for more convenient, personalized support. Adoptive parent coaching would have been a perfect fit for our needs.
As a social worker, I love working with potential foster and adoptive families. I enjoy hearing how they decided to adopt. I love seeing the bedroom they’re preparing for their future children. I do my best to prepare them for adoption, but we all recognize there is only so much preparing a person can put in. Once your child enters your home, the hard work really begins.
I believe our lives tell a story. The story has twists and turns and ups and downs. We don’t always like the story, and it often feels like the story is being written in a way we didn’t expect. In this story, though, we have the ability to shift the narrative. With work, we can turn the chaos and fear into calm and security. Our character can become calm, compassionate, and connected.
I appreciate the opportunity to step into your family’s story and coach you through the narrative shifts you wish to see in your children.